July 21, 2014
July 21, Day 1

It’s only 3 in the afternoon, and I feel the most productive I have in a while. I want to change my lifestyle as well as my mindset. I woke up early today to listen to the 5SOS interview, and since I couldn’t fall back asleep I worked out and showered. I think taking better care of myself physically will help me appreciate and value myself more. 

Throughout this whole change thing, I’ve convinced myself to start writing again. I’m writing a fanfiction on wattpad, and honestly it feels so good to be writing. I love writing stories more than diaries like this because I feel like I can express myself so much more. 

5SOS have an announcement tomorrow and my anxiety is beyond high. I feel like it’s a tour, and I’m not sure if I’ll be allowed to go. Last time, I didn’t get tickets until the very last minute and during the period of time I spent without tickets I was a wreck. It killed me so much knowing I wouldn’t be able to see the 4 people who have impacted my life so much. I’m so afraid that if my requests get denied I’ll fall back into my old habits and ruin this whole change thing.

It’s so easy for me to fall back into my old habits. Earlier I was trying to talk to my sister, and she ignored me. Yes, the topic was something she wasn’t as interested in, but it made me so mad that she didn’t even take time to listen. It reminds me of the morning “you are ugly” was screamed into my face. I hate feeling this low.

My devotional session was probably one of the highlights of my day. I really felt empowered to start again, I’m planing on doing 2-3 sessions a day, and I’m very excited for tonight’s session. 

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